Diamond Diva Dish

So let’s be clear: Jessica Simpson is still on my “Divas In Training” list. Meaning, she has the potential to wear appropriate or even attractive jewelry, but this cannot overcome the fact that her tan is out of a can and she is dumb as a bag of hair.

However, she showed up recently in these pave cut white gold hoops, which really are quite trendy and do especially well inside of a mane of hair of any color.

Don’t worry, this style of hoops is actually all the rage. You won’t turn stupid if you wear them. I tried to find a pair at Diamond Harmony, but they don’t have any right now. I have to write to them and get a special order!

Jennifer Lopez has announced that she has grown up, and no longer wants to be called J. Lo.  That’s Jennifer, please — Miss Lopez if you’re nasty.

This is from a couple of weeks ago in Madrid — she’s getting an award for her album “Como Ama Una Mujer”. 

Look at her earrings – an amazing combo of drops and chandeliers. The necklace is fabulous — blends with the light hair, contrasts the black dress. Are those yellow fancy diamonds?  I wonder if she does her own styling.  Um…no. 

Here’s Carla Gugino at the LA premiere of “The Lookout” on Tuesday. I don’t know what she does in the movie, but she still looks like that secret agent mother to me.

I think she keeps her spy kit inside that whopping diamond deal around her neck. She would have been great opposite that new guy in James Bond.

It is unofficially official that the “Indian Jones 4″ love interest will be Cate Blanchett, age 37.    Harrison Ford is 64.  Ooooh, sexy!  By which I mean to say, yuck!

Wild and crazy drop earrings, right? I love the onyx. Not so sure whats up with the wraparound diamonds-on-gold deal. How many piercings are involved there? Please post your guess.

It is also unofficially official that Emma Watson is bailing on the last two Harry Potter movies. Oh no! What will Harry do? Rupert Grint (the red-haired kid) blithely told a London tabloid, “Daniel and I don’t even text her anymore.” Well, indeed.

She looks exhausted. And why not, because, you know, she’s only 16! She’s Hermione Whoever! A stalker showed up at her school last week! She wearing pearl earrings with a lime quartz pendant! She needs a vacation, a bodyguard, a jewelry consultant! Best of luck, Emma.

OK its not really an update because we already knew that hoops are huge again this year and chandeliers are back with a vengeance.  but today we have really great supporting evidence LOL

So, hoops are just hot, and there’s no denying it. They make you look so free and happy.

This is Beyonce shooting a Samsung commercial in New York. She’s the real deal.

And: chandeliers have REALLY come back.

This is Salma Hayek at the 18th annual Producers Guild Awards in Century City. I’ve been staring at these for almost twenty minutes. I might never get this posted if I don’t stop staring!!!!

OK, her birthday was yesterday. I do my best. And so does she — look at her on Oscar Night:

Someone please research the dress, and provide a comparitive analysis to the JLo item.

Naomi Campbell got sentenced to some floor-mopping yesterday. I’m not sure if this trial was for the first, second, or third time that she whacked an assistant in the head with a cell phone. The woman appears to have some anger issues. Maybe she would feel better if she got one of these:

I think she really lucked out that they’re letting her do her mopping in a secret indoor location. Because anybody who throws stuff at their assistants really deserves to be paraded in the public street:

Stay in Vegas, Ms. Campbell.

So, you know Elizabeth Hurley? She’s that woman who was dating Hugh Grant when they caught him in a car with a hooker? And she stayed with him but then she dumped him and had a fling and a baby with Steve Bing, who they sweetly decided to name Damian?

So now she’s gone and had a multi-continent wedding to a randomly rich guy called Arun Nayar, who cheated on his wife to get with Liz. What a lovely bunch right? Well, whatever, because just LOOK at these heart-shaped diamond Journey drops.

I say, why would you buy Journey jewelry unless you’re prepared to desecrate it’s meaning on an international scale? You go, girl.

(She apparently has a line of beachwear, cleverly titled Elizabeth Hurley Beach. She’s also executive producer of Project Catwalk, the Brit version of Heidi Klum’s “Project Runway.”

Today, we have a lesson in the use of the always-fashionable Hoop Earrings.

Diamond hoops: usually smaller. An inch and a half is nice. Elegant yet strong; flashy but subtle.

Gold hoops: currently, the trend is towards BIG. 2 inches and up, either yellow or white gold.

Our models: Oprah Winfrey and Mary J. Blige.

There’s a certain substance that some people like to take. It makes women forget to wear jewelry, brush their hair, or sleep. It makes men wear silly hats, horrible ties, and NECKLACES UNDER THEIR LAPELS.

Girls, this is your brain with a side of bacon, you know?